So a few weeks ago I started watching Parenthood on Netflix, it was around the time my Facebook friends were crying over the series finale I thought if this many people are loving it and are so sad over the ending it must be a good show…well it is! I will not embarrass myself by saying how far I am into the series in only a few short weeks, but lets just say I’m moving right along! A
few many episodes back I’m watching Crosby and Jasmine have a mega fight and end their engagement all over how to load the dishwasher. Of course it’s not all about how the dishwasher is being loaded but circles back to her lack of respect for Crosby. For being controlling and expecting him to change and be a different man. (Yes I realize this isn’t real life but bare with me!) It made me think about so many early relationships and marriages I watch from the outside looking in and see the lack of respect that women give to their man. I do NOT have a perfect marriage but one thing I know and live out the best I can is to respect Jesse. God’s word doesn’t tell me to love him, it says to respect him and he is to love me. This is a circle that feeds itself. Men long to be respected and women need to be loved.
This brings me to a relationship that I have so much respect for, a real life relationship that I have had the privilege to witness it lived out and learn from. A relationship that was paused on this earth at least, two weeks ago. It is my grandma and grandpa’s relationship nearly 63 years in the making. My Grandpa said goodbye on this earth and hello to Jesus. This marriage was formed in the war era and blossomed after only a short time of knowing each other. They experienced 5 children, a military career, losing a child, and so much more. But my main memory that I will carry with me and try to live to that example is of the love and respect. He lived out love to his partner, children and grandchildren everyday, even when it wasn’t deserved.
I handle death differently then those that know me might expect for me to, I’m one who processes most things out loud and tends to over share everything. But death is different, I become very reflective and turn with in myself to process. These past couple of weeks I’ve thought so much of the example of marriage, how a man loves a woman-and how Grandma turned that love into respect back to him. I’ve thought on what makes my own marriage work and on my relationship with my children.
After 15 years of marriage I know the importance of these things, most days and live them out, most days. The death of Grandpa and the getting to be apart of the legacy of love has made me re-evaluate the intentionality of my approach to my own relationships.
So the above was written a week ago as we were ready to walk out the door for a marriage retreat. Seriously I started writing while Jesse was in the shower, I was dressed, make up on and ready to hit the road! I didn’t know what to expect at this retreat that is hosted by a local church. We’ve had several friends attend in the past and tell us how great it is and that we should go. This year thanks to the generosity of my in-laws we were able to attend.
What was ironic was the weekend in part could be summed up in my above post. Love your wife, respect your husband. It expounded on what not to do and what to do, of course. I loved to hear that we are on the right path that we are doing this thing called marriage well and as it was intended.
Towards the end of the weekend we were asked to put done our “complaints” of our marriage/partner in order of 10-100 (by 10’s) so the 10 would be something minor and a 100 would be a huge thing. After 5 minutes we looked at each other with mostly a blank page, each of us had a 70 listed but it wasn’t about the other it was something that we wanted to work on together. I said teaching our children about the word more intentionally and he said doing our budget together again. Neither of these things have we fought about or do we intend to fight over them it’s areas to improve together with love and respect.
So ladies respect your husband, the bible is sound-it works, respect him at all times but by golly respect in public and to your friends. Never talk down about him to his face or behind his back because the words you speak is the attitude that you live out. Build him up even when you don’t think he deserves because he is called to love you even when you don’t deserve to be loved. Men love your wives don’t expect intimacy without loving her emotionally women want to see you invested in them do that little thing you know makes her feel loved, a long hug, reading a book to the kids, letting her shower in peace the intimacy will be soon to follow.
Love and Respect that is the foundation of a marriage, let it be your legacy to your children and grandchildren like it was for me.