Hole In My Heart

I grew up in a home that didn’t have a lot, a lot of money or freedom to be who I was created to be. So my lessons in self-control were from necessity. Well I left those unpleasant experiences behind me as soon as possible which ended up being about 16. That’s when I got a job so I had the money to buy the “things” I so desperately thought I needed. I soon realized how fun that was but I still wasn’t being filled so then I searched for the freedom I craved freedom to go where I wanted, date, spend time alone with boys. This unfortunately allowed me to try and fill that spot in my heart with all the wrong things. I had spent 16 years being told no, either no there was no money or no because I wasn’t worth it.

So for the next few years I spent searching for a way for my heart to be complete, I allowed portions to be filled by being open to God’s plan to marry young to help me avoid the heartache of the path I was on the brink of walking but I didn’t understand that “the boy”- the man I’m still married to wasn’t the actual answer. The answer was the Lord-trusting in Him, in His plan for me, His love that wasn’t conditional like everyone else’s around me seemed to be. Girls are you seeking for a way to be filled? Can I tell you it will not be with clothes, the newest gadget, popular friends, the boy you long to date or the boy you long to keep by giving him your body. It will be finding who you are in Christ…you are loved, cherished and He LONGS to be in a relationship with you. Not an occasional conversation but an ongoing daily journey that you need to say yes to everyday.

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Hurting Heart

Do you ever have those times in life that your heart just hurts? Maybe you can’t even really say why it aches with a lacking or a longing you just can’t put your finger on. That has been my heart the last few weeks. Everything around me has been going well, my hubby got a less stressful better paying job, summer is here, what more could a girl need right? Well it does need something and I think we are created to know what it is we need or seek but we can be unwilling to admit what it is. It is a joy that only comes from the Lord, my time with the Lord has been minimal lately and the time I spend “with Him” has been doing what needs to be done for the youth group another item to mark off my check list. My challenge to myself over the next few days is to truly seek the Lords face listening for Him to speak in my life.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13